We don't have anything terribly exciting to report from our second week in California.
We are gradually assimilating into our new identities as Californians. We now know firsthand the pain of dealing with the CA DMV. In our first, failed attempt to get CA driver's licenses, we drove 30 minutes in a huge rush with Valerie in tow to make it to the San Mateo DMV before it closed, only to wait in line for another 20 minutes and then be turned away by some bozo who said we needed appointments, although every source we checked including the DMV website indicated we did not. We were luckily able to secure appointments (separately) within the next few days and at least did not have to drag Valerie along for those. It took about 40-50 minutes, but we both passed the written test and are now officially licensed CA drivers. (Woohoo!!)
After my first failed attempt to get a library card, because I did not have any documentation on me proving my CA residency, (is there a theme here?) I also successfully obtained a library card and checked out my first items. Valerie selected Madagascar on DVD, which she calls "Baby-ar-scar," (I think it's a hybrid of Baby Einstein and Madagascar, and it's so cute I will not be correcting it again). It's her latest movie obsession, now competing with Frozen for most frequently demanded. She loves Sacha Baron Cohen as the lemur king's rendition of "I Like to Move it Move it," and I think she also loves that the lion is a nice, friendly lion.
The Lion King would probably still be way too scary for her, especially considering that lions are one of her biggest fears. She still confirms with me from time to time that no lions can get in the car and get her; she is safe from lions in the car.
This morning she also said something about lions getting her breakfast. Nope, no lions are going to get your breakfast. Happily, she doesn't go through life in a state of terror, she's just casually checking to confirm there is no threat of lions at any given time. She needs regular reassurance that she is safe, and no lions can get her.
It must be human nature to invent something scary to focus on if you don't have anything legitimate to fear. What else could explain a constant, (apparently) unfounded paranoia that lions will get you?
It's funny, when you're 2, you aren't aware of the world's problems, and the only "problem" you have is not getting to do whatever you feel like all the time. Although, you do get to do whatever you feel like some of the time. It seems like a pretty good setup. Someone always cooks for you, cleans up after you, dresses you, washes and organizes your clothes, bathes you, reads you stories, puts on shows for you, takes you on fun outings, and gives you hugs and band-aids when you get hurt. You get to take a nap every day, and you don't even have to walk anywhere for very long, you can just ride along in your stroller.
Despite all this, you go through your day on an emotional roller coaster. You are happy, excited, scared, sad, and angry from one minute to the next, and you have no control over your emotions, or much of your day. It's determined for you. On second thought, it doesn't sound like all that much fun.
Sometimes when Valerie gets hurt, stubs her toe, or gets a splinter, she'll say, "that hurt my feelings."
"You mean it hurt your foot?"
"...yeah."
It's fascinating to see her learn the difference between physical and emotional hurt and be able to articulate them. She's started talking about her emotions more, like saying "that makes me so sad" about all kinds of things, though we still have to remind her to use her words sometimes.
I wish I could break into her brain and install empathy, but it takes years, growing up, and a lot of life experience to learn to approach life with gratitude. At least, it's taken me that long to get there, and I still struggle with it. There's definitely still a whiny, bratty, entitled 2-year-old inside me, always complaining and thinking about myself, and it's only with practice that I can sometimes overrule the brat with some adult perspective.
Maybe there are some toddlers out there who appreciate all their parents do for them, but I don't think there are many. Boy do I now understand everything I put my parents through. The saddest part is that you can't appreciate it until it's all long behind you. "Thanks for putting up with me, Mom/Dad" doesn't quite seem to cover it.
On the bright side, there are lots of redeeming moments. Wet kisses, hugs, cuddling while reading bedtime stories, hilarious conversations, the feeling of being so loved to the point of near worship. Yesterday we took a bath together and she washed my face. I closed my eyes (because she kept trying to wash them) and soaked in the feeling of those tiny little hands soaping up my cheeks... so sweet. I just have to hang on to those moments. And remind myself, as my favorite blogger likes to say, "these are the days."
No comments:
Post a Comment