The Newborn Daze

Several of my friends and facebook friends have brought new babies home in the past few months, and I am so happy and excited for them, as well as sympathetic.
I can vaguely recall the days when I too had a newborn. I didn't blog at that time. I think I was in too much of a sleep-deprived fog to put any coherent sentences together. It's the sleep deprivation that makes that time so hard, as well as hazy in my memory. Those first few months at home with your new baby fly by in a blur, although when it's happening, each minute crawls by like an injured snail. At least, that's how it was for me.
I remember wishing for each day to pass, for my baby to get a little bigger, a little stronger, to get on a sleeping and eating schedule... and for sleep. Please just let me sleep, baby!! I can't go on another minute without sleep!

fresh out the womb and ready to party

Valerie wasn't the easiest baby, although don't get me wrong, she wasn't the most difficult either. She didn't have full blown colic or any serious health issues, so I really should not complain, but I will.

#babyproblems

She cried a lot, spit up a lot, utterly failed to breastfeed and did not crack a smile until she was 12 weeks old.  Those first 12 weeks were a slog.

her first smile!!!!

The thing I dreaded most about becoming a parent before I became one was diapers. Cleaning up baby poop!?! Gross! But I quickly learned that diapers are nothing. Oh my god, so easy. Bring on the diapers. What I should have known was that feeding a new baby is the real horror. They have to eat ALL THE TIME!!! Are they eating enough? How do you tell when they're full, or hungry? Is it normal to spit up this much? Oh the agony of spending 20 minutes pumping and cleaning parts only to watch your baby spit it all right back up.

Breastfeeding was the absolute worst. My baby never latched, and my milk supply was insufficient. I got to enjoy 6 months of pumping milk which was nowhere near enough to exclusively feed with, so I also got to enjoy buying lots of formula - but not just any formula - special formula to reduce spit up because this child would keep down maybe 60% of her intake. So. Much. Mess. Those first few months were a constant deluge of bodily fluids. Mainly breast milk and spit-up, with the occasional hint of pee and poop just to mix it up. We had to always keep rags handy to clean up the imminent mess.


Pumping is the pits. I felt isolated, stressed out trying to rush through every pumping session before she would start crying again, and for what? Maybe two ounces of milk that would soon be converted to spit-up I'd be wiping off my couch. In hindsight I definitely should not have kept pumping as long as I did. So much wasted time and energy. So many bottles and parts to clean.

I longed for the day she would eat solid food. I longed for so many things. When would she hold her head up? Smile? Laugh? Roll over? Sit up by herself? Crawl? Pull up to standing? Walk? Talk? Just become a person already, you useless bundle of needs! At least smile at me! Can't you see I'm doing it all for you... just a little appreciation would be nice!

throw me a frickin' bone here!

But, babies are not known for appreciating all their moms go through. Not only are you completely preoccupied with meeting your baby's needs, you have your own physical recovery to manage, all while not sleeping. You're still carrying around some extra pregnancy pounds. The good news is, pregnancy is so miserable that the postpartum situation feels like a revelation. I felt so much better after giving birth than I did pregnant that I walked around in a cloud of happiness, delighted to not be pregnant anymore. I can lay on my back! I can get comfortable! No more shooting pains in my hips and legs! I have ankles again! I can walk! If my baby would just get it together, I could sleep, too!

I have to give it to moms who give birth by Caesarian section. That recovery is SO much worse and I honestly don't know how they feed and care for their babies while healing from being split open. Just give them all capes because they are super women.

I was lucky enough to have an easy breezy physical recovery which allowed me to focus all my complaining energy on breastfeeding, sleep deprivation and the overall stress of caring for a newborn. It's hard times. You hear a lot of people saying how much they love their babies, and they do. I loved my baby, even then, I really did. But the real truth is nobody likes the newborn stage. Does anyone? Really? Some people say they do.  They love to cuddle those tiny, innocent little bundles. Sure, I love to cuddle my friends' sweet new bundles. I liked cuddling my own bundle, but I mostly just remember wanting to put her down so I could take a nap.

I'm sure it is a totally different experience when breastfeeding goes smoothly, and you have a happy baby who digests all his milk. Someone has written that blog, I'm sure. This is not that blog.

But one day, you wake up, and your child is maybe 15-18 months old. She's sleeping through the night, walking (the early walking is my absolute favorite!! Those wobbly little baby legs... ), saying a few words, eating solid foods and never spitting up. She gives you hugs and kisses and makes you laugh with her emerging personality. Newborn hell is a distant, fuzzy memory. You can barely even remember the nightmare of pumping, bottle washing, spit up laundry, extreme fatigue, and unexplained crying. You have MADE IT!!!

Don't get too excited, it's not all rainbows and unicorns. She still needs you to do most everything for her. You dress and undress her, change her diapers, make and clean up her meals, bathe her and groom her. But when she's crying, she can tell you why. She can tell you when she's hungry or full. And most importantly, she can tell you she loves you.

how time flies

So, to my friends with new babies, this is me saying I love you, and I feel you. Unless you're one of those weirdos with an easy baby and you love every minute of these newborn days, then I don't feel you, but I'm happy for you. Either way, squeeze that little baby tight, for tomorrow she will be all grown up!

The days are long, but the years are short.